I love India, because in some ways I am a lot like Her.
Focused in some areas, random and wild in others. Huge on safety in some, reckless in others.
Always under construction.
Here's some of what I've learned in my three months in Pune:
Agree in principle, then go out and do whatever you want. Hope in the face of hopelessness.
India is the last refuge of absolutes, so say, "Yes, absolutely," as often as you can. "No problem," works equally well.
"Come tomorrow," is the national chant.
Don't question why this works, it just does: Freely admit to failure, then shake your head in every direction, and smile; it's your ticket to success. 'Absolutely' avoid arrogance, unless you're at a party in Bollywood.
Plan for the future, but count on coincidence to see you though.
Take comfort in being the underdog; you'll create abundance in your everyday life. Laugh when you "should" be crying, cry when others laugh. They will consider you normal.
Pay close attention to what goes on under the table, or when the lights go out. It could be a mosquito.
Never disturb a traffic policeman at a busy intersection. He's increasing his net worth, and traffic jams are not his concern.
So, guess at what's in front of you when you're nearing the intersection, then lean on your horn and step on the gas. God lives in India, and you'll come out alive.
Say the word "Basically," before every sentence. For variety, use, "Generally speaking." Use "As a matter of fact," when you don't have a clue. When you're reasonably sincere, prefix your statement with, "To tell you the truth ..". No, this does not imply that at other times, you lie.
"At the end of the day," has arrived in India (it was in decay when I left America), and "Bottom Line" is making the rounds at suave dinner parties. My personal Indian favorite is, "Don't think you're too great," but I have not heard it in ages. I'll hug the next person who says it to me, or to anyone else.
Ignore road signs – they are only suggestions.
Now here's something that took me completely by surprise – nay, by shock. A normally risk-averse and conservative Indian will hop onto a two-wheeler and streak straight for the space in front of your speeding car. He/she will not look right or left, not look at your car, nor look at you. In an act of supreme faith, the person will entrust life and limb to you. It is therefore up to you to either blow your horn or slam on your breaks or swerve into someone else.
In India, rules are made to be followed, so don't follow them. Bend them when you can; but if you're smart, you'll break them. When caught, plead ignorance. When that fails, blame someone else. Finally, pay the bribe.
Never admit fault. I don't know if this one really works, because no Indian I know has attempted the opposite. If they have, they won't admit to it.
When everything fails, fantasize. In the midst of tragedy, break into a dance. And sing.
When a gutter overflows, imagine you're in Geneva, and when the temperature sizzles over 40, slip into a windcheater that says University of Colorado. Wear shades.
Never admit to being an NRI. Discover why, at your own peril.
Board an elevator seconds before a power cut; overtake on a blind curve; break for elephants, camels and cows.
Fall in love with India, regardless of your gender. She's the friend you never had, the lover you craved, the teacher you yearned for.
And she'll never leave you.
Submitted by: Roy P, Manhattan, Pune and now Goa